We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

The Things I've Been Dying To Say

by Currahee

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $3 USD  or more

     

1.
i've been writing all these words for them to feel me. i put my heart into this and i won't let them see me for who i am. turn these pages, until they're gone and i'll burn these pages, until they're dust. light up the night with all my fictitious optimism. i can't pretend that i'm okay anymore. i can't pretend that every day i don't want to be here. let the light burn out, keep my body burning. let the light burn out, keep my body burning. just blame me its easier than facing that you gave up on everything and what i should've been. what i hoped for just hasn't showed up for me and i'll always live with this regret. i'll never know what i was supposed to be, i had hopes that i'd be sure. i never wanted any of this to happen as it did. it's wasted breath that came out of my chest, but i am who i am; and i'll always live with this regret. it's just the way i chose to walk, it's the path i have to take. i'm shallow and pathetic, i live my life a coward and i won't forget a thing, and i wouldn't change a thing. i hope the ceiling can carry the weight. i hope this moment won't define me. i hope that in the end i'll feel something.
2.
i wish that you would be the old you. kept my hands open in the cold, i stared dreaming at the night sky and i felt like this could be heaven. i tried to touch your skin. i felt your heart racing. i know what you've done and where you've been and i accepted the silence. we could've had heaven but you changed, but you changed. we could've been better, it's not the same, it's not the same. putting your pen to your paper, i know what you're writing. you're searching for something different, i know what you're writing. you left your marks on heart, it was broken from the start. i'm burning in hell and wish you were here. just the same old, same old tiring words. i tried so hard to mend your scars. i took my lips and put them where you needed it. i wrapped and loved but i couldn't take it. don't ever tell me that you loved me more than i loved you.
3.
Sinking 03:17
sneaking looks upon your face as you're wrapped inside my sheets. there's the bed we called our home as you delicately sleep. i've spent these past few years watching us sink, wondering what it is you think of all the moments we created, scars on both our faces leaving you and praying you stay asleep. it's just become too much to speak. we just don't feel it anymore. we're beating a crippled horse pretending it's already dead and i found it harder in my head to pretend that you love me half as much as i ever did. the days i lived, loved and laughed, play through my mind. for what i have done and failed to do i am sorry, once i stop caring you're not getting it back. you get what you deserve. what a loss to spend so much time with someone only to find out you don't know them at all. sometimes the thing you want most just doesn't happen and sometimes the thing you don't expect does. here's the bed where you laid your fears to rest. here's the place where i took away your stress. i laid and waited for you to come home, you couldn't so i let you roam. forget the memories when we're taking moments and taking steps to remake what we helped to break. tonight i'm not letting go. i've given my whole life to this and i can't just turn away. i won't let this consume us, this ends tonight. i won't give up on this, this ends tonight. the only friend i'll ever know is my darkest thoughts when my eyes are closed and panic stricken pain my throat from screaming these sad songs about being alone. don't depend on me.
4.
if there's any hope for me it's in what i'll become. in my weakest moments i felt safety in the silence. i raised my voice and put conviction behind my passion and was left with a dryness in my mouth. these meaningless days, a reminder of my old ways. these sleepless, endless nights a lifelong battle with my demon's and their endless fucking fight. i can't let this become what i am. i'm to fucking scared to let you know that i'm alright without you. i'm learning to grow on my own, i'm learning to live for myself and i pray that you're feeling the same. i hope to god that you're doing better than me. because all these fake lines, this overwhelming sense and belief that i'm ok is killing me. it's in my bones it's who i am. i will take action with conviction behind my passion i'll awake with a dryness in my mouth. these meaningless days, a reminder of my old ways. the devil dances in me and the hatred i bare. i'd live a happy life but i'm too fucking scared.
5.
Petrichor 02:55
weak kneed and crumbling beneath, but i'd fall into a million pieces just to see you breathing but you're gone. there's a hint of rain in the air, the smell that makes you aware that there's a change in the weather. whether we accept it or not it's stuck there forever. it's always changing and that's how life goes. we felt a love and here's the home we made it in, a now empty space that was scattered with your clothes became my center to wonder where you've been. a sick cycle carousel trenched in deep in the space between you and me. this can't keep happening there's too much at stake and it's just not fair. I took my time making choices (it's just not fair) on what the trail of life i'll leave behind. (it's just not fair) and i've come to one conclusion, heavens in your heart and hell is in your head. a pure lack of understanding. i've spent my entire life trying to find a comfort like this. everything i worked hard for, i wish i never lived like this. it would've been so much easier to just let go and go on. now i'm stuck living. it's just a matter of coming to terms, but who's terms are these? are they gods? is this the devil? do i have his demons running through my veins? are his shadows a reflection of who i used to be? we all have baggage and regrets. atleast i know where my skeletons are. existing, living, breathing.

credits

released September 4, 2015

Recorded By: Zach Selke @ Selke Recordings in Kingston, New York.
Mixed & Mastered By: Zach Selke @ Selke Recordings.
Produced By: Currahee.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Currahee Poughkeepsie, New York

Zach | Rob | Dan | Brandon

contact / help

Contact Currahee

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like Currahee, you may also like: